911 caller in Gates case comes forward: "I'm not a racist!!"

CAMBRIDGE, MA – The 911 caller in the now infamous Cambridge arrest of Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. finally spoke out after being labeled a racist and becoming the target of worldwide scorn. An emotionally distraught Whalen stood in front of a media circus in Cambridge Massachusetts and defended her racial sensitivity. Whalen claimed she had just seen two men with matching backpacks and felt that anyone who knew anything about male fashion would have also found that to be very suspicious. “I am not a racist!" declared Whalen. "My best friend is black. In fact, I had her over for dinner the other night and I let her come inside this time.” She continued to mention that she had a medical condition that prevented her from seeing color.

Minor damage to the rods and cones in her retina left her unable to differentiate between gray scale colors including African American Blackness. “You can hear the 911 transcript. I did not mention the race of the people during my call. I was not sure. In fact it was only after it was on CNN that I realized they were even black. Had I known he was my only black neighbor I'd have gone over with cookies when he moved in and been excessively friendly.” She went on to mention that earlier in the week she had also received the shocking news that President Obama himself was in fact black.

This well timed press conference served to address the important questions on people's minds all over the world. How do you not know your ONLY black neighbor? Isn't race a helpful detail when reporting a potential crime? In light of recent incidents, is it worth showing concern when a neighbor's property is being violated? At least our minds are all at rest now.

Category: Politics