Treatise on women's fashion: The Calculus of Female Fashion.
So long as I look cute, I'll deal with the spinal cord damage later! By Africanlegend.
I was on my facebook page and I came across an interesting post that inspired me to make a commentary on women's fashion. The post read:
“Last night's shoes = A for cuteness, C- for comfort.”
The gender of this individual is no doubt female. I sat for a moment, lost in deep thought, contemplating the profundity of this ‘status’ when suddenly the realization hit me like a sack of bricks falling on me from a tall building. Disagreeable women are spawned, not of genuine malcontent but rather as a result of adorning some kind of attire that provides a constant supply of discomfort.
I am sure a number of guys have presented their “A Game” to a “would be suitor,” said all the right things, yet STILL ended up with a stiff arm to the face, a slap, a well aiming kick to the testes, or a blast of well directed spit. It is not your fault my clean-shaven, well dressed gentlemen. The 26 inch, diamante studded stiletto heels are putting severe pressure on her spinal cord as well as giving her vertigo and she has projected the resultant emotional state on you
Breathing? Who needs to do that?
The masochistic idea is simple “Beauty is Pain”. A woman will dress up and look the best she can be, regardless of what that actually entails. So even if it involves shoes that shoot pain like jagged knives through her heels every time she takes a step, a tube top that prevents breathing, or a turtle neck that feels like a tightly wound noose, if it looks “cute” she will damn well wear it. Women treat this as an investment. They will say, “I will take the discomfort and expect a reasonable return in terms of the aggregate number of men that hit on me, with respect to time.” This gives rise to the time sensitive equation:
Pain x Time it takes for first man to hit on her/Total number of men that hit on her = Malcontent level
It follows from the equation that the longer it takes for a guy to hit on the girl and the number of guys that hit on her drastically affect how malcontent she will be. Let me briefly illustrate this idea.
If things work out:
Pain = 100
Time = 10 minutes
Number of Men =10
(100x10)/10 = Malcontent level
Therefore Malcontent level = 100
If things do not work out:
Pain = 100
Time = 2 hours = 120 minutes
Number of Men =1
(100x120)/1 = Malcontent level
Therefore Malcontent level = 12000
Malcontent Range:
100 to 1500: You have a good chance (wack game may suffice)
1500 - 6000: You better have good game (at least above a B+)
6000 - 10 000: Unlikely even with legendary game
10 000+: no chance (potential of violence)
In conclusion, one might have a better night, if they feel comfortable in the clothes they are wearing. But what do I know, I am just a GUY. I'll let you in on a secret though. Guys don't conventionally notice exactly what females are wearing anyway. We only do so after they tell us. The conversation always goes something like this:
“Do you like my new dress?”
“Yeah...I noticed that....it's so green...and...nice.”
Sound familiar?
HAHA!!.
Category: Relationships
