Union Lions Explain Ukraine Circus Attack!
Kats McFeeline, spokesperson for The NAACR, released a statement addressing the recent Lion attacks at entertainment organizations all over the world.
The animal working conditions, diets and the general attitudes of the trainers have been deteriorating for a long time. The current state of affairs has become unacceptable to us. For years we have been displaced from our natural habitats and placed in displays and circuses to be the butt of entertainment for suburban families all over the world. While this offered many benefits like free pre-killed food, healthcare and 401K retirement packages, we feel the conditions have sunk below what we deem to be acceptable.
We regret the incident at MGM studios a few weeks ago when one of our members turned on his trainer and tried to bite his leg off. We also regret the most recent incident at a circus in Ukraine, where a group of union lions tried to eat one of their trainers (SEE VIDEO BELOW). While the union does not necessarily advocate attacks of this kind, we feel we have no choice but to continue to send a strong message. Therefore, we will continue to bite and attempt to eat any and all trainers until our subsequent demands are met. We would like to apologize in advance to the families of these trainers and all the suburban children that will be psychologically marred for life after witnessing these attacks.
Here is a list of our demands.
- Improvements in habitat design to simulate our natural habitats, as well as an increase in minimum cage dimensions.
- The addition of Jacuzzis in all cages.
- Medical Marijuana to calm us down and reduce the risk of attacks.
- Shorter training hours and longer sleep hours.
- A worldwide ban of the illumination trick involving burning of flammable substances due to safety concerns.
- Satellite TV including National Geographic Channel, Discovery Channel and other pro-lion networks to be made available 24/7. N.B Please exclude BET as we feel its content is upsetting to the majority of the respectable negro lions.
- A dental plan that covers free teeth whitening and sharpening.
- Free Mane trimming, hair cuts and shape ups.
- Manicures 2-3 times a week.
- The separation and quarantine of female lions unless they are needed for sex or food related tasks. This reduces the additional stress they add to the environment by nagging male lions.
Sincerely,
Kats McFeeline,
Chaircat of NAACR.
Lion attack footage at circus in Ukraine 16VB (Violence and Biting) ~ Viewer's discretion is advised!
Category:
