Ridiculous Female Fashion Explained Mathematically!
I was on my facebook page and I came across an interesting post that inspired me to make a commentary on women's fashion. The post read:
“Last night's shoes = A for cuteness, C- for comfort.”
I sat for a moment contemplating the profundity of this ‘status update’ then I recalled all the perpetually terrible women I've met and what most of them have in common. Most disagreeable women are spawned, not of genuine malcontent but rather as a result of wearing some ridiculous item of clothing that provides a constant supply of discomfort e.g towering heels, outfits that are several sizes too small, strangualtion belts etc.
The idea is simple. A woman will dress up and look the best she can, regardless of the pain this might involve. She will wear stiletto heels that put severe pressure on her spinal cord or a tube top that prevents her from breathing if it means she will look “cute.” Women treat this as an investment. They will take a certain level of discomfort if it means they can get a certain amount of attention as a result. All this to impress a bunch of dudes that probably aren't staring at their dresses and definitely not at their shoes.
This gives rise to a time sensitive equation:
P x T/TM = PMSL (PMS Joules/Hours)
Where:
P = Percieved pain level,
T = Time it takes for the first man to hit on the girl in minutes.
TM = Total number of men that hit on her on the given night.
PMSL = PMS level (PMS Joules/minute).
Let me briefly illustrate this idea.
On a good night:
Pain = 100
Time = 10 minutes
Number of Men =10
(100x10)/10 = Malcontent level = 100 PMSL
On a bad night:
Pain = 100
Time = 2 hours = 120 minutes
Number of Men =1
(100x120)/1 = Malcontent level = 12000 PMSL
Table of PMSL Values
| PMSL | Behavior |
| 1 - 1000 |
Pleasant: amenable to conversation and humor
|
| 1001-5000 | General displeasure: can be cured by compliments |
| 5001-10000 | Pissed Off: Not in the mood to talk or enjoy herself. Won’t try to change this. Reacts poorly to attempts at humor. |
| 10001+ | Very pissed Off: Cock Blocking Mode (CBM) is activated. Subject will prevent anyone around her from having fun. Potential for violence. |
So who would have known that the secret to women being happier and more well adjusted was to outfit them with more comfortable attire. So next time you encounter a malcontent women that is being strangled by her tight dress and impaled by her 10 inch heals, toss her on of those Plus Size Sweaters and tell her to "loosen up."
Category: Relationships
