3rd World Dogs vs. Western Dogs (The Ultimate Comparison Chart)

There I was chasing some insolent, disobedient animal that I supposedly own down a muddy street at night. Despite numerous counter-measures, Rufus keeps escaping for his night time stroll. That got me thinking about the differences between 3rd world dogs and Western dogs and here is what I came up with.....

	The Western Dog. (White People’s Dogs)	The 3rd World Dog.
THE REPRESENTATIVES
	CASH (Dartmouth, Massachusetts, USA)	SERGEANT RUFUS (Botswana, Africa)
PURPOSE	Companionship/None: Acts as a “stand in person” in exchange for food to satisfy its owner's need to socialize and unwillingness to do so with people.	Protector/Guardian: Expected to guard possessions, protect owners etc. Barks and bites strangers in return for food.
HABITAT	Resides mostly indoors, occasionally taken outside to remind it that it is a Dog.	Outside, regardless of natural disasters or inclement weather.
APPEARANCE	Appears glossy with a luster of cleanliness. Has medical insurance superior to most humans. Usually one breed.	Rugged, often has scratches and wounds from fights with other neighborhood dogs and beatings from it’s owner. Usually a mix of anything from 2 to 26 different breeds. Smelly but proud.
RIGHTS	Protected by law from ill-treatment. The head of the house ensures it’s optimum care as it's livelihood affects it’s owners life profoundly.	NONE: Lives in a dictatorship at the mercy of it’s owner. Oppressed in many cases.
DIET	Scientifically blended, absurdly expensive food with all the vitamins and minerals a dog needs and none of the taste.	Scraps and left over table food. Succulent bones and other food that all dogs unanimously agree is better.
REACTION TO WATER.	Usually loves water. May often try to swim with owners.	Mortal enemies with water. Dog disintegrates on contact with water.
DANGER RATING	1 Forbidden from biting people because of legal repercussions.	12 Encouraged to bite people it doesn’t recognize. If you meet one on the streets, defensive or invasive action must be taken.
LOYALTY RATING	10 Totally loyal. Barks and cries in the absence of it's owners.	7 Constantly trying to escape it’s owners. Often ventures out of the yard at night to fraternize.
SURVIVAL RATING	-3 No survival instincts of note. Lacks  basic survival concepts such as the fact that it can be killed by a car. Doesn’t need to survive because if found on the streets, another white person will rescue it.	10 Can survive for weeks on end without an owner. Can take care of itself with basic hunting skills and by stealing food from other dogs that have owners.

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