6 People found at EVERY Christmas Family Gathering & A Merry Christmas to you all!

1. Creepy Uncles.

No family gathering is complete without an uncle that just gives everyone the creeps. Maybe he is overbearing when he hugs the ladies or just has the pedophile-lish aura about him that sends people into a frenzy every time he disappears behind a corner with one of the little ones. Perhaps he is just socially awkward but Uncle Dave gives everyone the creeps. Nobody will be surprised when someday it is revealed to all that he is actually a serial killer and has murdered over 56 people, including your cousin Steve who just stopped showing up family gatherings in 2003.

2. The Single Drunk Aunt.

At family gatherings usually there will be an attractive, thirty something aunt that hits the self destruct button on all her relationships and in doing so faces with the anxiety of being too old to be single. She is not too old but just looks it in the company of  other women in the family that married and started pumping out babies at age 23. The Aunt faces a constant barrage questions. Everybody asks her why she is still single and what happened to the charming Nigerian Michael Osuji from last year that convinced them all invest in real estate in Lagos. Seeking sanctuary from this harassment, Aunt Clair has no choice but to get belligerently drunk. As years pass by, she saves herself the trouble and simply arrives shit faced to any and all family gathering. By the end of the gathering Aunt Clair is dancing on tables to Katy Perry while the other women warn their daughters that it only takes one or two mistakes to end up like that (personalized tavern classes).

3. Racist Grandparents.
You'd think after 80 plus years the old folks would have learned something valuable to pass on to the generation below but everybody shrieks when they open their mouth. Either they are trying to use the TV remote control as a telephone or they are talking about the good old days when the parties were done well. When all the white folks had to do was sit down and let the Negroes serve them. It becomes especially awkward when Aunt Sarah's black husband of 4 years, who has attended the last three family gatherings, tries to shake their hands and they present him with their dirty dishes and a two dollar tip. Shortly after doing they complain that when they were younger they didn't even have to pay the Negroes.

4. Annoying Nephews/Nieces

The presence of grandparents means nieces and nephews get to function in a protectorate. The young ones will get to behave badly because what ever punishment their parents deal will be swiftly overruled by their grandparents. The result will be a juvenile battle field of insolence. Loud, rude kids running around depositing boogers on sofas and pulling each other hair, leaving the room baring the appearance of a post-apocalyptic horror story. It also doesn't help that each child is basically on an IV drip of soda and candy, keeping the little devils wired for chaos for hours on end. 

5. Awkward Interracial boyfriends.
This would be the awkward, off color gentleman in the corner of the room clutching his girlfriend for dear life, trying to be invisible which he is anything but. He is clinging on to his girlfriend and talking to her intensely. The poor guy is aware that if she leaves him for one second the wolves will come in for the kill and he will be made to answer one stupid question after another about his ethnicity.

Do they speak English in where you come from? 
Is this your first time eating Turkey?
Do wild animals walk around in the streets where you live? 
Is this your first time wearing clothes?

The culmination this torture will end when he inevitably tries to introduce himself to The Racist Grandparents who mistake him for Aunt Sarah's Black husband and present him with their dirty dishes but this time a 3 dollar tip.

6. The Family Member no one wanted to invite....
There is always a relative nobody really wants to invite but somehow manages to find themselves at every family gathering. They could be unwanted for many reasons. Maybe the they started a ponzi scheme and swindled every family out of a lot of money or perhaps they spent time jail time for beating animals or did probation for beating women. The reason is not important but the fact remains, nobody really likes them or wants them there but they are family and ehhh what can you do? The family even tried switching venues last minute and not telling them "by accident" but just like the year before somehow they managed to attend.

Category: Funny, Lists