11 Extroadinary Things All Whites Girls Do When they Visit Africa!

White girls go to those fabulously elitist schools where everyone talks about privilege, classism, racism, sexism, etc. as if they don't practice it in real life. In order to really see the world, they decide to go somewhere where they can understand what their privilege looks like. So they choose AFRICA! A whole continent dedicated to helping white people understand what it means to be poor and undeveloped (I studied abroad in Africa).

1. Embarrass themselves doing a local dance.
White girls provide lots of entertainment to the locals by attempting to replicate local dance moves. Locals will appreciate the entertainment and the attempt made to indulge in their culture. The white girls will usually have to drink excessively before their attempt. The locals will tell them that they have done well but in reality they have butchered the dance beyond recognition. Whatever dance the white girls attempt, it will always resemble "The Chicken" for some reason.


 2. Date a Local boy.
Nothing says you really experienced Tanzania than scooping one of the local lads. A white girl will often do this and will appear more cultured and well traveled to her peers. It will also give her a defense as to why she is not racist in future should she ever be accused of such a thing.


"I am not racist! I dated a Malawian! I even let him in the house."

The only rule is that the native must be educated in a white schooling system, and speak good English making him basically only a local by skin color and birth.


3. At least one picture with an underprivileged youth (usually a Black baby).

(Left) Kate holding Umgoga, who hasn't eaten in weeks. (Right) Chipupu, age 7, who works in a coal mine underground and breathes in toxic fumes on a daily basis.

This is the pinnacle of events in white girls travels to Africa. In fact many humanitarian organizations require each of their volunteers to have at least one Facebook album of pictures solely devoted to pictures containing disenfranchised youth and/or at least one black baby. It is required that many flies be present in the pictures to validate authenticity.


4. Buy Traditional Garb at rip-off prices.

It will be tough for a white girl to prove she has visited a genuine African country without producing a few items of traditional wear. Her friends will accuse her of googling the country if she cannot produce an authentic piece of clothing. Locals take advantage of this by charging white girls up to 10 times the price for each garment. The natives will use stories of how they sowed the garment in the dark, in an abusive family home on a hungry stomach. A white girl will be so impressed by these stories that not only will she buy the overpriced garment, she will date said local to satisfy criterion.


4. Visit a region of the country not even locals want to visit (and appear to be happy about it).
In an effort to explore the beauty of a country, white girls will take it upon themselves to travel to the most decrepit, dangerous or hostile areas of a country that even the locals have no desire to go to. On her Facebook page, she will have a pictures of herself canoeing in dangerous rapids, stranded in the middle of a water-less desert or slap bang in the middle of a cross fire in a civil war. Natives will be confused, as they have tried all their lives to escape a certain area and then actually meet somebody who has actually decided to visit it willingly. The natives will consider the visitor an idiot.

6. Get a piercing.
Every white girl wants to rebel against their upbringing and they choose many different avenues for this. Some resort to interracial dating, others turn lesbian for 2 to 3 years in college. White girls that come to Africa decide to upset mom and dad by getting a piercing of some sort, usually in their nose. The piercing (no pun intended) service will often be offered by the guy that sold them overpriced garments as he will have a unbelievable array of talents and offer many services.

7. Do something REALLY F@cking Dangerous!

White girls come from a world where there are many safeguards to prevent their demise and will lack the basic instinct of self preservation. White girls will get in a car with strangers, go jogging at 1130pm, go into the middle of a dangerous township and accept accommodation from a stranger, and a host of other things they know they shouldn't be doing. This explains why so many white girls are kidnapped or disappear inexplicably. This extends to nature as white girls may encounter things they have only known read about their whole lives e.g Lions ---> The white girl will be eaten ----> the locals will not be surprised.

8. Try to experience a day in the life of an African woman and fail miserably!

A day in the life of an African woman (shortly before I was hospitalized for fatigue)

Just to get the essence of what it is like to be a woman in Africa, a white girl will try "A day in the Life of an African Woman." It won't be a modern one either, she will go to some village in oblivion where men have many wives and line them all up at 7 am and beat them every morning. Rest assured, the white girl will fail miserably as she will find that African women have to cook real food, don't have i-phones and are rode to work by the men on the donkey's day off. This experience will be how the white woman starts a non-profit, advocacy organization for women. The physical exertion of the day will often result in hospitalization.

9. Be the Only white person on public transport.
A white girl will truly be a minority for the first time in her life. An authentic minority and not one by default like the time she went to Rayshon's party. Very often the white girl will have to travel by public transport and will end up in a bus surrounded by a bunch of blacks that have no idea how to handle her presence. They will choose to remain awkwardly silent. The white girl will butcher the native tongue when requesting the bus to stop and when she exits the bus, the remaining passengers will erupt in laughter. The natives in the bus will be asking themselves what went so wrong in the white person's life that they ended up on public transport.

10. Try to Adopt an African Dog and give it a
White Name. 

A white girl will not understand the idea that the African Dog is very different from a Western Dog. She will see many feeble looking dogs on the street and try to save them all, thus spending a considerable amount of time luring in flee ridden, hunger stricken dogs and try to repatriate them and keep them as her own. She will gain a good amount of satisfaction and it will be hers provided she feeds it. One day she will come home and it would have simply disappeared. The dog would have left a note saying "so long and thanks for fish," because an African dog does not recognize friend from foe only food from non-food. The white girl will see the dog a few days later, call it and it will not respond.


11. Go back to their country and desperately want to come back.
When white girls finally return to their respective home countries, a large proportion of them will realize they preferred Africa even though they spent the majority of the time bitching about it. They will miss the relative simplicity of things and the fact that you can greet people in the streets and the weather ranges from hot to less hot meaning they can tan all year round (except Irish girls).

They will wear the traditional garments and show off their many Facebook pictures with the multitudes of black babies which will constantly piss their friends off. After a long period of depression, the white girl will join another volunteer group and come right back to the motherland.

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