The Universal Scale of Ugliness: "Cute"

See the Universal Scale of Ugliness Illustration

What does it mean to be cute???This is probably the most disputed term in my patented Universal Scale of Ugliness. While cute is the epitome of mediocrity on my scale, it does not necessarily mean that. For example, if a female calls a male cute, she is likely expressing substantial interest in him. If a guy calls a girl cute, he may simply be saying that she is not irreconcilably ugly. Poised with needing to have a stance in this instance, I think I will go with “ugly but interesting” as an adequate definition. If you are cute, it is likely that you are not conventionally attractive. In fact you may even be unattractive, but in such a uniquely distinctive way that you may fool some people into thinking otherwise.

In environments with inebriating substances you may be elevated to “pretty” or even “hot” depending on how much alcohol is consumed and how lighted the area is. However, your best bet is to hang around people long enough so that you become more attractive by atrophy. This is because cute individuals are the number one beneficiaries of “cabin fever syndrome” which is the process by which individuals begin to look more attractive due to confinement or serious over exposure. You stand no chance without a decent personality so read lots of books and make google search your BFF for life. You will do well to invest in some kind of tangible skill such as juggling, singing, cooking or cold water ice fishing. Your best weapon is longevity; stick around and you will prevail or worst case scenario your love interest will die of old age.

Scorecard

Chance of being successful: 65%

Personality: Must have great personality and assorted interesting skills.

Chance of Marriage: 88 %

Chance of divorce: 25 %

COMING SOON: The Universal Scale of Ugliness: "FAIR"!!!!!

Category: Funny, Lists, Relationships