10 Extremely healthy things to do after a Bad Break-Up

By Africanlegend.
Bad break up? Crying like a little b@tch in a dark room listening to slow jams? Here are ten healthier things you can do to cope with a tough break up.

Here is what you will need:
3 kegs, wine or hard liquor, your favorite music, 1 Somalian pirate, money, an active Facebook or Myspace Account, a bed, a hacksaw and a stunt double.

1. Reclaim your favorite songs. 
You may have said the dreaded "this is our song" phrase, turning a once loved song into a bed of cold sweat and night shivers. Reclaim these songs! They are rightfully yours, you downloaded them first after all!

2.Recruit new friends and get back old ones. 

We get by with a little help from our friends.....

You've no doubt alienated most of your old friends because you though your relationship would last forever. You will have to get your friends to forgive you and hang out with you again. In some cases, be prepared to pay money to get some of them back. Studies have shown it takes 3-6 drinks to purchase a new friend and 12-13 to buy back old ones; so spend wisely!

4. Play more Sports!
Get involved in pick up soccer, coed softball or join an outdoor beer pong league. It is very likely your former 2-3 nights a week exercise plan just walked out the door. Sport simulates sex hormonal and is far safer and healthier than trying to hit up every skank that comes your way.

5. Have a break up or divorce party to celebrate your freedom. Then take all the items that your Ex left you and build a massive bonfire and light up the sky. Then Report the fire to law enforcement and blame it on your Ex..

6. Buy a smaller bed!

heck if you can fit in there, by all mean evict the baby!

Go from a Queen to a Twin sized bed. The illusion of loneliness is decreased by about 17.34% for every 5 square inches smaller your bed gets. Ideally you should sleep on a 5 x 9 piece of wood for optimum loneliness reduction. You can use a hacksaw to perform this task.

7. De-Facebook your Ex. 
Unless of course you want an up to the minute invasive automated commentary about everything they are doing. I mean do you really want to know if she added Harry Potter to her favorite books or if she turned Buddhist?

8. Send your Ex tickets for an all expenses paid boat cruise along the Northern African Peninsula.


Then have a Somalian pirate kidnap them and hold them for ransom for 3 days. It will be on CNN. You can record and play it every time you feel down. This works better if your Ex is white as Somalian pirate value white hostages more than any other but in light of the recent recession they may kidnap a black person or two just to pay the rent.

9. Date a significantly less attractive person than your Ex,
Date a significantly less attractive person than your Ex, then when you are in public pretend as if they are God's gift to mankind. If you cant handle dating the significantly less attractive person, you may find it easier to use a stunt double as suggested in the itinerary above.

10. Effectively use slander and/or libel.
Go to the place your Ex works and hang up photos of them on the walls. Above and below the photo should read "Suspected Ring leader of a Multi-national Kiddy Porn Network". You can also use Facebook and twitter to spread rumors that they have so many STDs that they are giving them away for free.

Category: Relationships