Dating "Must Nots." Must-not wear Ed Hardy clothing or accessories.

By Freyja E.
Dinners, drinks, casual encounters, movies - I’ve dated. A lot. What I have realized is that I have no idea what I want in a long-term partner. I do know want I DO NOT want in my significant other. In the spirit of making valentines month more pleasant for everyone out there, I will share one with you. Maybe some guy will read this and spare some girl what I went through.

1. Must not wear Ed Hardy clothing or accessories.

For those of you that do not know, Ed Hardy is a clothing brand that basically takes discarded Halloween costumes and passes them of as casual clothing. Anything creepy you can think of, Ed Hardy has put on a t-shirt.

"The Identity of the Dbags has been changed for their own protection"

The second reason is based on personal experience. A few months ago I agreed to go to dinner with a good-looking and charming guy. He picked me up at my apartment. I got into his nice clean car. He and I chatted about the music he was playing. When we arrived at the restaurant he parked the car then ran around to my side to help me get over the snow bank. All was going so well. As we walked towards the restaurant I took the opportunity to check him out. Nice clean black boots, crisp jeans - not too tight and not too baggy. He was wearing a nice black leather coat. All was going very well. We got into the restaurant and were seated in a cushy corner booth. He helped me with my coat (ah, such manners!) and let me slide in first then took off his coat. That is when I felt the cold splash of reality. Under that sexy black leather coat was an atrocious Ed Hardy fitted long sleeved t-shirt. It had a giant skull, a snake, and a mixture of reds and oranges. I tried my hardest not to look directly at it for fear that it might induce vomiting. Then I noticed, because it was actually impossible to miss, that the pockets of his jeans had matching shinning jewels them.

The food at this restaurant was probably spectacular and the conversation was probably interesting enough but unfortunately he was competing with the vociferous voice of the hideous snake on his shirt which seemed to be mocking him as his spoke.

After dinner he drove me home. I politely said good night at the car and ran into my apartment to surround myself with plain solid colored t-shirts to help settle my stomach.

Needless to say Senior Flashy-pants did not make the cut.

"Why not just run around with a big megaphone screaming 'I am a total Dbag'- it's cheaper."

Category: Funny, Lists, Relationships