Stupid people that need to GO: The "You don't know what you're missing" guy
This is the stupid person that shows up at the office with a clear plastic cup filled with a mysterious white liquid and with a smile on his face that is so smug it causes computers around him to automatically shut down and car alarms to go off without warning. He comes by with his cup, and makes small talk in a way that makes him look like he's not even holding his cup, and then takes long, drawn out sips through his straw. He annoyingly continues to hang around while the pungent smell makes your head spin until you make the mistake of asking him "What are you drinking?" At that moment his smugness reaches levels that might cause harm to any pregnant women nearby and he says, in his most matter-of-fact voice, "Oh, its just a goat-cheese and squid ink smoothie." Naturally, your first instinct is to gag and vomit into the nearest trash can, but in the spirit of kindness you make an effort to say something like "Eww, that doesn't sound too appealing." To which he immediately replies "You don't know what you're missing bro! This Chupacabra Smoothie is THE SHIZ!!"; in a way that makes him look progressive, cool and badass.
Why this person has got to go.
Listen here, jackass, if I wanted to try something like that, I'd try it. In fact if I wanted to, I could try an elephant mucus and snake blood shake. Your condescending "you don't know what you're missing" only makes me hate you and your piece of crap food/object/convenience store even more, and I haven't even experienced it yet. It is not creative to think of an amalgam of things that no sane human being would experience, see, feel or eat and tell everybody that they do not know what they are missing. Truth is, they know exactly what they are missing. They are missing: throwing up, nightmares, life long trauma, brain damage and in some cases death. So don't tell us we don't know what we are missing!
How to deal with this person.
When that person comes with the smug "Oh its just a goat-cheese and squid ink smoothie", you ask them where they got it and hit them immediately with this: "Oh, the Hipster Juice on Washington street? Yeah, I've had that... it was aight" Your completely non-impressed answer will knock the condescending winds out of their blowhard sails and sink their ship of douchebaggery.
Other stupid people that need to go..
"I don't listen to mainstream music" guy
Veggie Girl
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