Tiger Woods Apologizes: Dalai Lama releases statement
"Buddist Inc. vows to stand behind Woods!"
By Africanlegend
02/19/2010, Tiger Woods held a 14 minute press conference in which he apologized to his family, friends and all members of the terrestrial and extra terrestrial Galaxy.
Woods admitted to infidelity and a sex-filled life of lies, something which is apparently unprecedented in the male world. Woods also did his best to try to convince the world that his wife did not give him a grade A ass whipping with a golf club. This would have been more believable if he was not layered in cakes of make-up concealing the remnants of the beating.
Tiger Woods claimed that he had been raised Buddhist and this meant that he was supposed to live his life under the principles of self control and moderation. The Dalai Lama immediately released a statement after Buddhist Inc. shares violently plummeted on wall street.
The Buddhist faith does not condone such sex-filled, moronic behavior. The Buddhist faith is one of peace and moderation. It is also one of forgiveness. So for that reason we will continue to sponsor Tiger Woods and provide him with “Lama Golf Wear” which offers the modern golfer increased comfort and range of movement. If this had been Kanye West, the situation would have been different and we would have pulled sponsorship immediately since we believe him to be a douchebag.
Thank you
Love Mr Lama!
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