The Sparkling guide to Men: The Artistic Guy

By Sparklingjem.
Temperamental, childish and absolutely self involved, the Artist can get away with practically anything. We forgive him because the true artist suffers from unbearable inner torment which allows him to create great art. The Artist has no responsibility and can’t be bothered with the mundane aspects of life in case they cloud his inner vision.

Becoming the Artist.
Becoming the artist requires no artistic skill at all. In fact, skill can be detrimental as it is better if no one understands you. Being misunderstood facilitates the "tortured soul" and a practised air of superiority. All you need to do is learn a few names and appropriate terms that nobody has ever heard of and you can pass it off.



Sparklingjem’s advice and tips:

Types of girls this guy is best for.
Narcissistic, rich girls, miserable tormented girls, Satan worshipers. Like the Foreign Guy, Artists cannot date other artists, it is considered unfair and each is too involved with their own tormented souls to be burdened with caring for someone else.

Guys who suit this role.
Guys who have tragic life histories, guys who need to express themselves through their art and slightly effeminate guys who enjoy drama. Gay guys.

Why he’s irresistible.
All women want to be immortalised in art. Think of the Dark Lady in Shakespeare’s sonnets or the Mona Lisa. People around the world have been praising their beauty for centuries.

What you should wear.
Wear clothing appropriate to your type of art:

Performance artists: loose fitting black clothing, so you look like you’ve just come out of rehearsal even if they haven’t worked for six years.

Visual artists: Cover yourself in paint, clay or charcoal.

Writers: Everybody knows real writers never wear anything except pyjamas

Musicians: Anything, but be sure to carry around your musical instrument, the bigger the better. Being barefooted will make you stand out and give you a unique Jesus-like effect.

Where you should take her.
Art exhibitions, theatre performances and concerts. The more obscure they are, the more opportunity you have to sound deep and insightful. Don't worry about other artists challenging your knowledge, they will be too busy being impressed by their own opinions to listen to yours. If it is your own artistic display, be sure to ask her what she thought it meant and praise her for her insightful interpretations.

Important tips.
You have to smoke. All real artists smoke to avoid getting confused with commercial artists. Commercial artists do not put any of their soul into their work and therefore do not suffer the stresses of creating real art. This is also to prove to non-artistic people that being an artist is a stressful job and counts as real work.

OTHER TYPES OF MEN: Mr  Romantic, The  Free Spirit. The Rebel. The Witty/intelligent guy. The Foreign Guy The Nerd

Category: Relationships