Stupid People that need to go: The I'd tell you but I'd have to kill you guy!

By Musty.
You finish getting your coffee and after having to listen to the "My boyfriend is like Jesus but twice as good chick." chick, your coffee gets cold, so you pop it into the microwave. Suddenly this guy shows up, to throw his Hot Pocket in the adjacent microwave. You acknowledge subconsciously that greeting him would be a terrible mistake but in the interest of being cordial you decide to say hi. He seizes the opportunity to punish your mistake by telling you about a project he is working on.

Guy: Man, work is really starting to suck, I'm thinking about quitting and going to Hollywood. I'm actually working on a screenplay right now.
You: So what's it about?
Guy: Umm, well, it involves a bounty hunter, Sarah Palin and the Chupacabra.
You: Really that sounds cool. Tell me more!
Guy: ACTUALLY, it's actually kind of a secret, I plan on selling it to a producer in Hollywood soon, so if I tell you i'd have to kill you [chuckles insipidly and descends into the shadows from where he came]

Why this person is an asshole:
Hey douchebag, when someone asks you about something creative, and you say that you're not going to tell them, it means one of two things:

EITHER

1) You're afraid I'll take your idea.
OR
2) That even you know your screenplay is a piece of crap.

I was just trying to be nice, and besides you are the one that disturbed my peace of mind and brought it up in the first place. If it meant that much to you and was that big of a secret, why are you firing the idea at an innocent civilian/casual acquaintance whose only intention was to get a cup of coffee? Have you ever had a CIA agent walk in the room with a megaphone and say, " We suspect one of you in here is a terrorist but we can't tell you, because actually it's kind of a secret."


How to deal with this person:
When they start saying how it's a secret, you tell them "Its ok, it really doesn't sound that interesting anyway", and this person will instantly go into defense mode, and tell you the whole thing--

Guy: "No no! You don't understand! Hugh Jackman goes to kill the monster, and in the end, he realizes that HE IS THE MONSTER!!"
You: Can you pass me the creamer? [Yawn simultaneously and look bored]

But if you really feel like sticking it to this person, then after his monster explanation just say, "yeah, it still doesn't sound that cool" or "I saw a story like that on the Hallmark movie channel once."

OTHER PEOPLE THAT NEED TO GO:
My boyfriend is like Jesus but twice as good chick.
You don't know what you are missing guy.
I don't listen to mainstream music guy.

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