Stupid People that need to go: The "F My Life" Chick

By Musty.
You're at work wondering how you managed to place yourself in an environment surrounded by a group of imbeciles and are now researching various ways of committing suicide, when you overhear the chick in the cubicle next to you talking on her i-pad; which she bought to replace her i-phone.

F my life Chick: Oh my god, like, this day can't possibly get any worse! The hairdresser cut 1/8th of an inch too much hair off and then at Starbucks I ordered a half-soy, half 1%, mocha decaf caramel mint [insert fancy french word]macchiato and they gave me THREE-QUARTERS 1% MILK! O-M-EFFING-G! Who does that? Then they took like ten minutes to make my sandwich and I was like, HELLO! I got stuff to do! It's not like I can stand here all day waiting for a turkey sandwich!  F my life, seriously!

You over-hear this and can think of a few more ways her day can get worse, but most, if not all, of those ways involve some sort of combination involving her, sharp objects and you laughing maniacally.

Why this person is an asshole:
First of all, your life is not that bad. You have a job and no physical or mental disabilities apart from general stupidity. Just because you had a couple of things go wrong today, it doesn't mean that your WHOLE life is F'ed up. Most of your problems are self-inflicted anyway. Those four essays due tomorrow that those "asshole" teachers assigned on the same day, were assigned 4 MONTHS AGO! If you cut down on the Keeping up with the Kardashians marathons, maybe you'd have finished them on time. Oh and that "bitch at work" wouldn't bother you quite so much if you didn't have lunch with her everyday and sleep over at her place every weekend. Here's an idea, stop hanging out with her! Get a grip asswipe. Stop making it seem like your problems are earth-shattering when we have a lot of our own stuff we're dealing with. You just annoy people who actually have real problems.

How to deal with this person:
Tell them to SHUT UP.

Here is an example of a person that has so many problems that it's ok for them to complain a little:

Dirty Poor Ethiopian: I'm a dirty poor African person living in the deathly hot deserts of Ethiopia. I have no AC and because I'm Ethiopian, I am wearing traditional Ethiopian attire -- No Nike, Gucci or Ralph Lauren. I wake up at the crack of dawn, and go out to work. I walk 23 miles, barefoot, to get there. My work does not involve desks or computers or sitting on facebook all day. I mine salt. All day, everyday with no shovel, I have to use my hands. I dig and dig until the sun goes down. If I am lucky I go home immediately but if it is my turn I have to carry my boss home. Oh, that loud noise you just heard behind me? That was actually a missile shot off by some rebels on their way to kidnap my family and I. These kinds of things happen a lot around here. - FML

So basically, remind anyone who says FML that unless they can come up with a similar story, their life ain't all that terrible.

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