Dairy of a White Dude: Yes, I am a white guy... now stop staring please!

"Hi...I'm white!"

By Afooltofollow.
Yes, I am a white guy... now stop staring please....
Hi. My name is Bill. I understand that right now I’m at a club where people are dressed to ‘da nines". I understand that there are "hot bitches" everywhere, and just how fine they are. Yes I see the dance floor. No I won’t be "hitting it up". Why? Well, if you couldn’t tell by the cargo shorts, polo t-shirt and sandals, I’m white!

Please stop staring.....
I’m also ever so tall for a white dude, towering over the 5’9 “normals” who are able to move in secret around the bar. I am constantly in everyone’s view. Oft I have looked into the mirror that surveyed the bar, and noted “My gosh... I’m the tallest white guy here.” It is all the more pronounced by the fact that the club is dark, and I am not.
For this reason, when I’m not embarrassing myself at a "midnight hotspot", I enjoy hanging out at book stores. The pages are white, and so am I. If I twist myself just right, people can ignore me long enough for me to get what I need without being gawked at.

Places I could never be a spy:
Asia
A black cook out
Taco Bell
Anything preceded by the word “Def”
Midget Island (It’s real, but I can’t find it because the little shits hide)

Places where I could be (and probably am) a spy:
The Apple Store
A liberal arts college campus
The “Shaq Does Pac” concert
Any venue that prominently features “cheeses” as a warm-up dish
On the Supreme Court

Topics of which I am prematurely considered an expert:
Fishing
Mergers and acquisitions
Small pox
Appropriately filing a tax return
Vegan requirements
Erecting and burning a large crucifix

My overall level of guilt for other peoples’ suffering:
Very high, for blacks or Jews and any minority, including you.

Who I blame for the world’s problems:
Those god-damned rich white people.

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