Setting the record straight: Justin Bieber is NOT my husband.
Dear fans
I would like to publicly assure you and the rest of the world that Justin Bieber is NOT my husband. Yes he asked, but I turned him down. Mainly because he wouldn’t be able to buy me drinks at a bar but also because I feel his popularity will only last until he reaches puberty and his voice breaks (awww won’t that be a sad day).
Here’s what really happened.
On Monday, I logged into my twitter account to find that my latest sent tweet stated “Justin Bieber is my husband!” I immediately retweeted “RT @sprklingjem: Justin Bieber is my husband! ~ SOMEONE HACKED MY TWITTER ACCOUNT!!!!” Obviously I assumed it was a practical joke. AfricanLegend (AL) is known for his bizarre sense of humor and certainly had the opportunity and expertise to hack my account. In fact, he’s done it before. However, soon after this, the death threats began arriving. I contacted the police immediately and was promptly moved to a ‘safehouse’.
Within minutes of the location being “accidentally” published on Stuff-about.com (see Justin Beiber Fans Send Death Threats to Sparklingjem), I found myself under siege from angry Beiberholics who arrived at my secret hideout brandishing pitchforks, flamethrowers and playing Beiber songs on their ipods. All my crowd control devices failed, everything from my stanchions and velvet rope as my barricades were ripped down by merciless fans. I knew I would not be able to withstand the music very long and began making preparations to vacate the safehouse. Luckily I was airlifted to safety, but not before all my friends had been invited to my ‘Alice in wonderland’ themed funeral.
Kim Kardashian, in a blatant and pathetic attempt to get back in the media, accused me of being a limelight junkie (she would know) and called the episode a ‘copycat’ publicity stunt.(She is probably just jealous that I have a bigger booty.) While this is just the sort of thing the Webmaster might do (He is still angry with me for ditching him to go to an African Bloggers Party with AL), he has denied any knowledge of the affair, including the article published in his name and has accused AL of writing the article.
AL has been upset and jealous since I started catching up with him in number of twitter followers. He has declared it a twitter war. I have no doubt he would do anything to stop me from beating him. According to the very attractive investigator on my case, AL must have leaked the fake story of my Beiber marriage after hearing of the death threats that Kim Kardashian received. He then inflamed the situation by releasing my location under the Webmaster's name and waited for me to DIE!! Don’t worry, AL has been arrested on charges of attempted murder and defamation of character. He will probably rot in jail and it will serve him right.
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