When to Use The Race Card.

Playing The Race Card refers to the act of bringing the issue of race into a debate, usually to obfuscate the matter and win an argument.

Although most commonly used by black people, The Race Card can also be used effectively by Jews (Holocaust), Eastern Europeans (Hairy women), Asians (Small penis/bad driving stereotype) or any other race that has been through some notable racially motivated tragedy or is subject to demeaning stereotypes.

The Race Card is extremely effective. Personally I use it if:

1. I’m losing an argument.
In this case, I simply wait for some ambiguously interpretable term like “you people” and then I make the other person feel like a racist while deflecting the fact that I have a poor argument.

2. I don’t like the person.
If you don’t like a person, calling them a racist can usually make them angry enough to leave. There is a small chance this may backfire. Some white people may stick around and feel morally obligated to disprove your statement and maybe even invite you to dinner as reparations for the way you feel.

 3. I get arrested.
Since the Rodney King beating that was heard and seen around the world, regardless of the reason for my incapacitation, I can simply blame it on my blackness. After all the police officer that stopped me and found the dead body in my trunk would not have stopped me at all, had I not committed the initial crime; Driving While Black (DWB).


4. Some other dude got the job.
Regardless of their qualifications, obviously they got the job because of some form of nepotism. I was passed over because of my blackness, which I tried to conceal as best as I could by wearing a suit, leaving my bling bling at home and speaking eloquently.

5. If I want to be lazy and slack off
Being lazy and slacking off offers the immediate benefit of having free time to devote to important things like Gchat, Facebook and Twitter. Occasionally a co-worker may complain about your conduct to your superiors. If so, that is a good time to site some obscure company policy and report the person for discriminating against you based on your color. It will be pretty easy to gain the support of fellow minorities in your office and before long the person that reported you will become That Racist Dude at my office.

In truth, you can and should use The Race Card whenever you get the chance. After all a bunch of people you have no connection with suffered a long time ago to earn you the right to do so. Let them not have suffered in vain!

Category: Politics, Race, Random Stuff