6 reasons the world DESPERATELY needs more serial killers.
English not Yoshi’s first language, but I will try my best to write properly….
Yoshi had a temporary moment of sadness contemplating the connubial bliss of SparklingJem and the Justin Bieber, and wondering whether being a serial killer leads to a life of loneliness. But then, Yoshi is thinking, wait, serial killer much better and more noble lifestyle. And here is why:
Firstly, our planet is groaning under weight of far too many human beings. We are told we must conserve power, conserve water, almost everything we are asked to have less of. But the problem is not too little resources, problem is TOO MANY PEOPLE. Serial killing is noble planet saving cause. If all of us got in touch with our inner serial killer, world population would plummet, and planet would begin to recover from the pestilence of humanity.
Secondly, serial killers improve mankind. If you are at all responsible as a serial killer, you target the d-bags, the selfish ones, the stupid and thoughtless ones and those who harm the innocent. In short, you target those who richly deserve to be extinguished. In this way, serial killers act as natural selectors, improving humanity. Left to themselves, the least desirable of humanity breed faster than those who have more to offer because they often get more girls: watch the movie Idiocracy (or just watch network television).
Thirdly, serial killers are self limiting: the more successful serial killers become, the more sophisticated and intelligent the response to them. Silly careless serial killers are caught quickly. Serial killer need to be thoughtful and careful to survive. This makes humanity improve in both physically (If you want to survive serial killer; then you better be doing some cardio!) and intellectually (everyone always thoughtful and aware if thinking that serial killer is stalking them).
Fourthly, serial killers can solve world’s relationship problems. If there were more serial killers, then relationships that didn’t work would end quickly and guilty party would be extinguished, without angst, recrimination or regret: just one last thrill for the stronger of the couple (you see, more natural selection!). By removing people that are bad at relationships from pool of available people, relationships for everyone will get better. Self help guides would gather dust on bookshelves, and the art of cooking would enter a Golden Age.
Fifthly, wars would become a thing of the past: all genuine serial killers abhor random impersonal killing that is part and parcel of war. Yoshi always takes special pleasure in “visiting” those who seek to advance war as the way to solve problems in the world. Yoshi only wish more people, even if not want to be serial killers, would politically “serial kill” the bringers of war and suffering to humanity.
Sixthly, racism would end: Yoshi assure you that we really are all the same on the inside…..really, Yoshi knows this. All people fear mystery of death in the same way, and more serial killers would bring home the futility and pointlessness of focusing on the external features of others.
So Yoshi relax now from shear effort of try to write better English, and have glass of ‘96 La Tache. Now can imagine SparklingJem and Justin: “…her quivering hand touching the throbbing string bean of his manhood, and with a husky voice he asked, “May I flick your fava bean?”
Sayonara.
Category: For Serial Killers :-), Lists, Random Stuff
