Help: The Airline tried to starve me to DEATH!
If you have flown anywhere recently, you’d know the complexities of modern air travel and all the hassles and charges. The checked baggage fees, the carry-on baggage fees, the you’re an Arab Surcharge and an assortment of other we just wanna be assholes taxes.
Maybe you tried to check your bags and found out they were too heavy and ended up being the imbecile unzipping their bag in front of everyone deciding which pair of shoes to sacrifice.
Perhaps you did everything right, only to find that all manner of hygiene related products like, deodorant, toothpaste or shampoo have been prohibited or regulated to small enough amounts that they’d prove hygienically ineffective. In turn you arrived at your destination smelling and looking like you rolled around in a pig sty before running a marathon. Amongst the plethora of things Airlines have done to make flying more aggravating, none is more inhumane than their downsizing and/or removal of refreshments and snacks on flights.
The Average Flight Snack selection includes:
A packet of 3-5 dehydrated peanuts'
A palm sized pack of assorted 100 calorie cookies, raisins, wafers
A shot of of Soda/juice or water
A napkin with a picture of the US on it which if you are VERY desperate is also edible.
If the flight is over 2 hours multiply the above by 2 and add some rustic coffee to the mix.
"Typically enough snacks to feed the whole of the economy class for 3 days if rationed out wisely.
I went to pick up my friend at the airport last week. She had been on a 4 hour flight from California. I am sure she may have been happy to see me, but I doubt she had the caloric energy stored in her body to fein any type of excitement. Her moribund, unfed, corpse practically collapsed at baggage claim. With the use of Ammonium Salts and a tazer, I managed to resuscitate her before she begged to be taken anywhere to eat including McDonalds! The starvation and denial of nourishment had driven a girl who shops in Wholefoods (or any other hipster orientated health-crazed franchise) and eats low calorie, low sodium, fat free, organic, all natural, made by a hippie, Greek Yogurt into the dungeons of nutritional iniquity that is McDonalds. I watched with mild amusement as she ravenously devoured the Big Mac until there was not even a scrap or crumb on her plate. She sat quietly for a 30 seconds before she reported that never has a Big Mac hit the spot than it did the day the Airlines tried to starve her to death.
Dear Airlines, When you end up starving someone to death and their relatives sue you for all you have, I can guarantee you, I will laugh my butt off all the way through customs.
Category: Random
