Lion hugs rescuer - disowned by colleagues!
By Africanlegend
Following the infamous Lion attacks at the MGM studios and in The Ukraine, Chief Spokescat for the NAACR Kats McFeeline released a statement promising more attacks at strategically located Zoos to draw attention to the poor living and working conditions of LICs (Lions in captivity). In recent days, miraculous footage has emerged of what appears to be an African lion sharing an affectionate moment with a woman who rescued him six years ago from almost certain death or starvation (worse than death for anyone of African decent). After she helped rehabilitate him, they formed a bond worthy of even the finest Hallmark movie; producing a moment that moved hearts all over the world and caused numerous white women to cry.
The NAACR would like to distance itself from this incident. We reject, renounce and repudiate this rogue lion’s behavior. This lion was acting on his own recognizance and his actions were in no way endorsed by any of the lions currently living in captivity. We sympathize with him because, as you have noted, the incident happened in Columbia, which is obviously very confusing for an African Lion, especially one with no history of travel, who does not know any Spanish. The NAACR will continue to be committed to improving cat rights all over the world and we will continue to encourage lions to attack, bite and mutilate trainers and administrative personnel until we see marked improvement in overall conditions.
Our list of our demands remains the same and includes but is not limited to:
- Improvements in habitat design to simulate our natural habitats, as well as an increase in minimum cage dimensions.
- Medical Marijuana to calm us down and reduce the risk of attacks.
- A worldwide ban of the illumination trick involving burning of flammable substances due to safety concerns.
- Satellite TV including National Geographic Channel, Discovery Channel and other pro-lion networks to be made available 24/7. N.B Please exclude BET as we feel its content is upsetting to the majority of the respectable negro lions.
- A dental plan that covers free teeth whitening and sharpening.
- The separation and quarantine of female lions unless they are needed for sex or food related tasks. This reduces the additional stress they add to the environment by nagging male lions.
Sincerely,
Kats McFeeline,
Chaircat of NAACR.
Category: Random
