10 killer ways to Slack off at Work!

1. Social Networking. Abuse Social networking website sites and have them drain large quantities of your time. One of the most effective ways to do this is a process called REFRESHBOOKING (READ MORE)

The Process of REFRESHBOOKING:
1. Log on to Facebook.
2. Scroll up and down your home page to check your friend's updates, pictures and any other notifications. Respond accordingly.
3. Open Facebook chat. Chat until everybody interesting leaves and you are left with "that guy you pretended to remember from high school."
4. Scroll up and down your home page for any new updates.
5. Hit "home" or refresh on your browser just to make sure.
6. Ignore a text on your phone soliciting real social interaction.
7. Open alternate webpages to read a generic article on why you suck at dating and breaking news on Yahoo about the 35th woman coming out claiming to have had shenanigans with Tiger Woods.
8. Switch back to Facebook and repeat steps 2 to 5. If you still find nothing, repeat indefinitely.

2. Aggressive typing.
When your boss walks by, start hammering at your keyboard while looking intensely at the screen. Ignore all external stimuli until they walk by. You need to sell it well. In the event that a fire alarm or terrorism alert is sounded, maintain focus. Keep typing and staring intensely.

3. Filing Frenzy.
You will need to pull a large stack of files out of your cabinet and set them beside your table. As soon as the boss walks your way, get up and begin to file them where you originally got them. You will look productive. The only downside to is that the manual labor may eclipse the labor to are trying to avoid doing.

4. Refuel.
Keep a depleted cup of coffee on your table. When you see the big boss coming, get up and go and refill. Coffee is the fuel of productivity. Also remember to throw in a cheesy line like, “hey hey hey jet fuel!” Also acquire many cans of Red Bull, crumple and scatter them everywhere. No one will question your work ethic.

5. Stress out.
Stress out about something. Or rather, perfect the act of looking stressed out. Grit teeth, place your hands on your head, smack your head into the table or throw a stapler across the room. For added effect, stand on your head for about a minute and your eyes should become red, only to emphasize how hard work has robbed you of sleep. The boss will think you are stressed out because of all your hard work and commitment.

6. Blame your inactivity on a Co-Worker. Pick an employee you dislike; there will be many. Let us call that person Marcus. Make up a task you have to do and go tell the boss you are almost done but you are just waiting for Marcus's part and that you have been waiting on it since last week. Also tell the boss you smell strange marijuana-like fumes emanating from his office.

7. Make superfluous Excel documents! 
If you get any information, simply transfer it to 3 or more Excel Spreadsheets regardless of whether it is actually necessary. You will look smart and organized and there is a good chance no one will even know enough about Excel to even call you out. Plus you can show off to the boss by showing them a pie chart of employee attendance by department at bowling night.

8. Go PD-EFFIN crazy!
Print out a document in ADOBE pdf format. It will take dog years to actually print and you will seem industrious. To put this time waster into context, if you printed a 50-70 page pdf file it would take so long that Jesus would probably return prior to its completion. This is a good way to transition from early morning to happy hour with just one task.

NB: This is a perfect time to use technique 3 and get more coffee for the two hit combo.

9. Re-organize.
Stand up, dash out of the room and return with a huge box. The box should contain material associated with productivity like: staplers, calendars, paper clips, baseball bats etc. You decided to “re-organize” your desk and improve efficiency.

10. Look busy on the Phone.
A phone call is a sign of industry. Call your best friend and when the boss walks by, talk about how you need a TPS report ASAP or PRONTO. ASAP and PRONTO are good words industrious Caucasians use in cases where they are conducting important business. There is insufficient evidence to suggest black people have any equivalent words or that they would ever be industrious enough to use them.

Category: Random