Earth Shattering Predictions for the New Year!
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| Spoiler Alert!!! Do Not READ THIS if you don’t what to know what happens in 2011. |
Now that we have finally recovered from the New Year's Day festivities, we can start thinking about the rest of the year. It’s too late to make New Year’s resolutions, besides I’ve probably already broken them anyway, so I’m going to celebrate the New Year by reading the spoilers.
Mainstream predictions...
Who says life is more exciting when you don’t know what’s going to happen? Bring on the predictions and prophecies!!!
There is a general outlook of doom and gloom across the psychic community.
- 88% predict massive floods
- 73% predict earthquakes and disasters
- 100% predict other non-specific natural disasters
- 582% predict outbreaks of war somewhere.
My favourite prophet, (read the full prediction HERE) who seems to have made a little bit more of an effort has predicted, apart from the usual world wide disasters the following...
1. Mass moral decline and terrorist activity, led by Pakistan, who will become the world's most evil nation, leading to general chaos and degeneration.
2. Britain can look forward to it’s “Society Destroyed By Overindulgence in Sex, Drugs, Money, Alcohol, Immorality and Gambling.”(at least that sounds like fun)
3. “Australia and New Zealand will Continue to Practice Racism” (not surprising considering their cookbooks)
4. “Russia will face freezing temperatures and accidental fire incidents.”
5. India will face a slight economic decline. Luckily this turns out to be a small step in its journey to becoming “The Great Power by 2035 spiritually, economically and militarily.”
6. “World Scientists will agree with findings of Indian Scriptures that there are other species,beings and aliens in the solar system.” Unfortunately we will have to wait until 3050 and be Indian spiritualists before we can meet them.
7. “Bollywood Movies will become more popular throughout the world.”
Yes they exist and they want YOU… to watch Bollywood!My own predictions...
1. Justin Beiber will finally hit puberty, causing the music industry to bring castration back into fashion. It will be too late to save his voice. He will sound like a white Barry White.
2. Angelina Jolie will turn out to be a lesbian increasing her popularity with males by 6000%. In a surprising turn of events, she will marry Jennifer Aniston.
3. Ricky Martin will admit that coming out of the closet was just an elaborate hoax to increase Google searches of his name and will try to reverse his image in an attempt to re-sell records to prepubescent teenagers. We will all reject this, because he really is TOTALLY gay.
4. Jimmy Fallon will finally admit that he is not funny. This will be the first and last time anyone laughs at Jimmy Fallon.
5. In a wardrobe malfunction, Oprah will cut her face with a sharp object revealing her black skin color to be just a mask and that she is actually a white suburban woman from Connecticut. She will give out gifts to keep this a secret.
6. Tupac will be spotted in Kenya rapping in a Swahili hip-hop festival. Elvis and Biggy will attend his concert.
7. Africanlegend will be brutally tortured and beaten before the end of the year and faces a 1 in 0 chance of surviving. His ghost will haunt this blog. It will be funnier than him.
What do you think will happen in 2011? Share your predictions. for the New Year.
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