Facebook Relationship Statuses and What they Mean.

By Africanlegend
Relationship statuses on Facebook are capable of inspiring mass stupidity and child-like behavior. I do not have one up because I choose not to deal the social consequences that may arise as a result. I'll maintain my belief system until such a day comes when we all walk around dressed in t-shirts like this (with the muscles to match):

Either way, relationship statuses can tell you a lot about people. Here is a comprehensive table illustrating this idea. Feel free to refer to it at any time to evaluate people you might be stalking.

Relationship Status	If the person is seeing someone	If the person is NOT seeing someone
No relationship status	- Not willing to let  relationships define your interaction with others.  - Fear of relationships.  - Didn’t have a status posted in the first place.  -Possibly still “looking”	- Not ready or not interested in a relationship. - Fear of relationships  -Not "looking"
Single	- Fear of relationships to the point of psychosis.  - Still desires attention from the opposite sex.  - Seeing a “booty call”.  - Reminder to the other person that there is no future for the two of you.	- Natural state.  - Doesn't have someone but is “looking.”
In a relationship (No name)	- For religious, racial or social reasons the person you are seeing brings immense shame upon you or your family e.g (Asian dating a black dude)  -Significant other has no Facebook account.	- Still trying to get back an Ex.  - Emotionally unstable.  - Blindsided i.e You woke up in the morning and she removed her name.
In a relationship (with name)	- Natural progression if your status used to be “Single”. - Electronically branding (see: livestock)  -Geared towards the opposite sex because your sig. other doesn’t trust you around them.	- Both parties are in denial, hoping that something might happen to avoid impending doom.  - Obsessed lover killed the other so their relationship could be immortalized on Facebook forever. - Possible Serial Killer.
In a relationship/Engaged/Married (name of best friend)	- The precursor to being dumped.  - Serious cry for attention.  - Sign of a friendship that will compromise the success of romantic exploits.	- Done often and almost exclusively by lonely white girls.  - Evidence of a felony level “Cock blocker.”
It’s complicated.	- Evidence of a Class D Drama Queen.  - Infidelity occurred but there may be some hope.  - Someone may have moved town unexpectedly.	- Clinging onto a past relationship that recently failed.   - Lonely but in denial and putting “single” would cause deep depression to set in. -Possible Stalker.
In an “open” relationship.	- A long distance relationship: Both parties are pretending that it’s ok to see other people.  - One or more parties maybe a Slutbag.  - A Bootycall gone wrong now both people are confused.	- Doesn’t make much sense and points to general psychosis.
Engaged/Married	- You better be!	- Sign of serious dementia and psychosis. - This person will tie you in a house and burn it down with you both in it "in the name of Love.”
Widowed/Divorced…	A) You are planning to kill your spouse.  B) you are planning to divorce your spouse.  NB: Hopefully you informed them you were going to take either action before posting it to Fbook.	A) You killed your spouse successfully.  B) Sadly your spouse passed away.  C) You divorced your spouse successfully.  NB: Either way you are probably depressing everyone.
A Civil Union (see married/engaged)	- Seriously just marry them and stop wasting everyone’s time!	- You wouldn’t marry them and after 10 years they left you and you're too busy crying to change your status.

Category: Funny, Lists, Relationships