How Women Lock Down Men (Stage 5):The Walking Dead!

By Africanlegend
Zombie mythology is very well documented. In fact, so much so that the CDC has outlined protocol should we ever have to deal with a zombie pandemic in Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse.

Contemporary "Zombie" mythology goes something like this..

Zombies are usually products of some sort of virus. After a person is affected, they die and then shortly thereafter they wake up as flesh eating, mindless, reanimated corpses bereft of consciousness and self-awareness. Zombies lack any of the personality traits they had when they were alive and are unable to recognize former friends or family as anything other than a warm blooded meal. A Zombie can typically only be killed by impaling or severing it's head.


"Whipped Man" mythology follows a similar pattern...
Formerly lively, energetic and social men undergo profound changes once they contracted the  "virus" (the "virus" being the woman/relationship) After the virus takes effect, a vibrant enthusiastic man will slowly begin a metamorphosis into a mindless, reanimated corpses bereft of consciousness with no will to do anything. Through The Best Buddy, The Capture and The Honey Moon stages the virus is inactive but during The behavior Modification stage the infected subject begins to show symptoms. The symptoms include.

1. Increasingly larger periods of time without contact with his friend with not even so much as a text or phone call. A social decline and eventual death.

2. Absence at activities he formerly enjoyed, sports, going out etc.

3. Presence at activities everybody knows that he hates i.e watching chick flicks, long aimless walks, window shopping, family brunches etc.

4. Over compliance, over sensitivity, lack of energy and a lack of passion.

5. Irritability or random outbursts of uncontrollable rage.

In the terminal phase the man finally becomes clinically whipped. In a whipped state a guy will be completely controlled by his girlfriend. It will not be long before he is jumping through hoops and doing back flips like a trained dog, mindlessly and miserably progressing his way through an obstacle course. With a deep look of emptiness and misery in his eyes he will go from chick flick to chick flick unable to recognize or socialize with friends as he did. He is among The Walking Dead and the only way to put him out of his misery is proverbial shotgun blast or axe to the face, which would be the humane thing to do rather than allow him to continue to suffer.

READ the stages you've missed....
Stage 1: The Best Buddy.
Stage 2: The Capture.
Stage 3: The Honey Moon
Stage 4: Behavior Modification

COMING SOON: Stage 6: The Escape.

Category: Lists, Relationships