The Legend of the cold activated beer bottle

By Africanlegend.
By now a lot of you may have heard of or even experienced Coors Light's revolutionary cold activated beer bottle. A picture of mountains on the bottle turns from white to blue indicating that the beer contained therein is cold enough for consumption. (see video below)

Prior to this, there have been very few documented methods to determine whether or not a beer is cold enough to drink. Many primitive societies chose to pick bottles of beer up and feel their temperature, a novel concept at the time. If it felt cold enough, they would consequently open it and drink it. If the beer was cold enough, a feeling of cool satisfaction trickled its way down their throats. If the beer was too warm, it often caused serious medical effects like fainting, extreme fatigue, loss of hair and dysentery.

It is difficult to understand their logic and understandably these societies began to die off as the consumption of lukewarm beer claimed village after village. On the brink of extinction and faced with the impending dinosaur-like demise of mankind, Coors Light came up with a revolutionary technology; the cold activated beer bottle. When the illustration of mountains on the beer bottle turned blue, it meant that the beer was cold and safe enough to drink. Many societies began to embrace this life saving idea and it was not long before the earth began to flourish with a more resilient, advanced people. Infant mortality rates dropped by 12-80% and dysentery and hair loss symptoms all but disappeared. No longer did the people have to worry about the imminent danger that warm beer presented.

Seriously! Does Coors Light think we are at such an advanced level of douche bag-ery that we can't even tell when a beer is cold enough to drink? Someone should ask Coors if this is really a legitimate idea or just evidence of rampant drug usage at their brainstorming meetings. Do any of us really care about beer being as cold as the Rocky Mountains? This is a slap in the face to all the loyal Coors light drinkers. All 5 of you should protest such a scathing insult.

However, if you are either a male or female aged 21-35 with no sense of touch and with a flare for the foolish, this is definitely for you!! What has happened to society that has made Coors think they can get away with such a trite, mundane gimmick?

Category: Random Stuff