Polling Results: “What makes you more of a Douchbag?”

The options were:
- A backwards baseball hat with the tag still on.
- A single or double popped collar.
- A Bluetooth Headset.
- Excessive Bling.

An overwhelming 39% of respondents chose the BLUETOOTH HEADSET as the pinnacle and exemplar of Douchbaggery. The important question is why? The answer is likely that it violates social norms that were put in place many generations ago. The Bluetooth Headset has disrupted social harmony by bringing doubt as to whether someone in public is actually talking to you or not. These days you may end up responding to someone's salutations only to find that the Douchbag is having a conversation with his friend about last week's keg party. They are describing how they slept with everybody at the party and how they drank quantities of alcohol large enough to intoxicate a small whale. That or a plethora of topics nobody is really interested in hearing about. To add to that, the device itself often has a blue light that continuously flashes making it almost like a beacon or signal for approaching Douchbaggery.

The beauty of the Bluetooth Headset is that it represents equal opportunity Douchbaggery. You are a Douchbag if you wear one regardless of gender, age, race, religion or physical disability. This is unlike the popped collar which black people seem to get away with for some reason. The Bluetooth Headset is used by everyone from the cocky business man to urban black youth aspiring to be rappers and professional athletes some day. If you think black people are noisy on the phone as is, wait till they are afforded the ability to use their hands to dramatize the outrageously loud story they are telling.

My conclusion is that unless you are driving, looking after 11 kids, juggling 5 apples and 3 oranges while playing Seeing Eye Dog for a blind man, you should be using your hands to operate a cellular phone. Put the phone by your ear so it is clear to the rest of the world that you are in a conversation on the phone and not addressing us.

SOOOO.......Stop being a D-bag and take off the headpiece!

Hmmm..maybe i'll actually get one??.....

LOOK OUT FOR NEXT WEEK'S POLL!!

Category: Random Stuff