Ground Breaking study on women released.
In 1843, after his wife had driven him to the brink of insanity, a once eminent scientist in Papa New Guinea named Li Chin Nguyen conducted laboratory tests to study the nature of the female. The results were outlawed and blacklisted by the government of Papa New Guinea because some of his research methods were deemed inhumane. He was ordered to destroy his work, but managed to preserve some of his papers. In November of 2008, a distant relative of Li Chin's ex-wife stumbled upon original documents describing his tests and findings.
Dr Nguyen's findings:
1.Crying Test
15 average women, aged 18 -35, were placed in a tastefully decorated room and subjected to Lifetime and Hallmark movies. As expected, all 15 women began to cry after an average of 28.6 minutes. They were then asked to fill out a survey explaining why they were crying.
Results: Only 20% of the women were able to explain definitively why they were crying. 30% were unable to explain why they were crying and continued crying for the rest of the day. 50% of the women gave reasons that did not relate to the movie at all including some mild nondescript stress, a man that cheated on them sometime in the past, BFF's that betrayed them and “some bitch at work.” Interestingly it was found that 100% of the women knew at least 1 “bitch at work.”
2. Brain test
The same group of 15 women were presented with ten images of different people wearing different clothes and in different situations. After this process the pictures were removed and they were asked to recall what they remembered. As a control one of the pictures was of themselves.
Results: All the women could easily recall classically trivial details like the clothes the people were wearing, the type of shoes they had on, hairstyles, the average size of their nose or whether they had an engagement ring.
Only 6% of the women noticed that one of the people was carrying a gun and an astounding 97% failed to notice that one of the individuals was inside a tank. The 3% who did notice all mentioned that the tank's color did not match the individuals clothing. Only 0.1% of the women were able to recognize themselves by recognizing a familiar item of clothing.
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| "Hmm, Why was I crying again?" |
The 15 women were subjected to 10 men with classic douchebag traits, 10 model citizens and 10 “normal” men. The women were asked to pick which men they felt naturally attracted to.
Results: The women all felt naturally attracted to 9 out of the 10 douchebags selected. None of the women were attracted to one of the douchebags complaining that he resembled Kanye West. 4 of the 10 "model citizen" men managed to naturally attract a majority of the women. “He looks like a douchebag” was cited as the most common reason for that. None of the women were attracted to the “normal” men, their described reactions ranging from mild irritation to chronic mood swings and nausea. Eventually, the men had to be escorted out of the room for their own safety after the women began throwing projectiles at them.
4. Cat fight Test
5 of the douchebags from test 3 were placed in an enclosed room with the 15 women. The men were asked not to speak to the women. The room was observed and the results compiled.
Results: The women alternated between eying the douchebags and giving each other death stares for 15.8 minutes until the first projectile was thrown. Following that, war ensued and before long the tastefully decorated room resembled main street in Baghdad, Iraq. While we managed to airlift most of the men to safety, 4 were severely injured and one was killed in the process. Although we would have liked to avoid any causalities, we felt Kanye West was an acceptable loss.
5. Chocolate Test
The 15 women were each administered chocolates from various parts of the world. Then their blood pressure and brain responses were observed and recorded.
Results: Before the test could be administered, all the chocolate mysteriously disappeared. While each of the women denied it, they all seemed happier and more stable while reporting an increased libido. The FBI was called in to assist with the investigation but turned up no leads. Mysteriously they could not find any evidence after 8 hours of investigating and interrogating the women.
Category: Random Stuff
