The Anti-relationship SEX Contract (PIC)

The following was written by a friend of mine several years ago while we were both still college students. He was having 'troubles' at the time with a few of the women he had picked up at parties...

(The anti-relationship contract -- to guarantee no strings are attached)

I, _______________________, hereby surrender all possibilities of friendship, commitment, marriage, guilt-trips and near-pregnancies in exchange for one (1) night of USDA approved fondling and fornication.

I will not return to the scene of said activities, nor call, write or otherwise contact/harass or vex said co-signer of contract for a time of no less than thirty (30) days and nights after said activities have been fulfilled.

I also surrender all rights to propagate rumors, misnomers and dirty looks in the cafeteria from myself and friends, and will treat said co-signer with all the respect due a stranger. I will say "hi" if we pass within ten (10) meters in a friendly, if not neutral, tone.

I will also upon completion of herefore listed activities not leave underwear, ear rings or other insignificant yet oh-so-valuable knick-knacks lying about or hidden somewhere in the co-signer's abode for the sole purpose of returning to said abode and breaking the no-contact agreement of this document. I furthermore state that I am of sound mind and desirable body, and will not call said co-signer by any other name than that which is his or her own, nor reminisce on some former slime-ball/great lover who wore the same cologne, roll-on, boxer shorts or robe. I will also pay one-half of all laundry fees as needed after prescribed activity.