Stupid People that need to go: "The book is way better than the movie" guy
By Africanlegend
You have just come from watching the third installment of The Lord of the Rings, Return of the King at the movies. You have had no major incidents and you have managed to avoid stupid people. This is largely due to the fact that you didn’t have to go to work today because it’s a Saturday. The movie was exceptional and well detailed with a very expertly executed plot. You feel a sense of accomplishment for a $7 ($10 in Boston, $300 in New York) well spent on a good movie.
Suddenly, you see Matt from your office, apparently he also came to see the movie. He is all decked out in his Gandalf the Gray outfit. He is on a direct course towards you. He is on a date with the F My Life Chick. She looks like her life sucks but that’s normal. You don't have many options, so you take the only one at your disposal. There is a culdesac nearby and a ditch and you thrust yourself into the ditch and hope he does not see you. He lingers over the ditch for a few seconds, he thinks he has picked up your scent. After a few minutes, he begins to walk away. Suddenly your phone rings, and he hears your distinctive Lady Gaga, Poker face ringtone.
The book is better guy: Hey AL, what’s up man. did you see the movie. It was awesome!
AL: Yeah! It was actually exceptional (as you clean the mud from the ditch off your shirt). The ending was a bit long but it was really good!!
The book is better guy: Yeah wow, it was just like the book!
AL: I haven’t read the book.
The book is better guy: Dude, you have to read the book? (looks at you as if you are some kind of a Douchebag). Well, the book is so much better. I mean you really can’t enjoy it unless you’ve read the book.
F My Life Chick: I haven’t read it either! OH MY EFFEN G, this is the worst day of life! This is the worst date I’ve ever been on. My life SUCKS! (walks away swinging her bootie in a very angry fashion)
The book is better guy: Wait, Sarah come back…I didn’t mean……
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Why this person is an asshole.
Yeah we get it. You spent 9 months of your life reading Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Rabbit and I spent two hours watching the movie and we both seem to have enjoyed the movie equally. The book will never be like the movie. You get to create characters and landscapes with your imagination when you read, so by default it should be a better experience for you than the movie. However, if I have opted out of 9 months of reading and actually managed to enjoy the movie, there is no need for you to be a tool and ruin it for me by insinuating my experience of joy is inferior to yours. Yes, some things were left out of the movie, but you can’t include everything in a long book in the movie. If they did, then how long do you think The Lord of the Rings would be then? No need to die of old age while watching a movie.
How to deal with this person.
This one is simple. If he mentions the book and attempts to disseminate his douchebaggery, just pretend you have read the book and you feel that the movie is way better than the book. Expressly state that in fact, you regret having ever read the book. And furthermore, you feel totally stupid for having even chosen it for your special summer reading pet project. It was recommended by your fifth grade cousin and you read it because you owed his mom a favor. That should really throw the jerk off his game.
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