How to bag a Foreign Hottie this World Cup Season.
By Sparklingjem.
These poor boys are here in our dangerous country. They may need your help.
I bought a magazine because one of the cover articles was about how to bag a foreign hottie. I opened it to find the article was merely a number of cheesy pick up lines translated into various foreign languages. I don’t think that’s very helpful at all. If you were going to use cheesy pick up lines, I reckon it’s far better to say them in English and hope that the bewildered foreigner understands what you are trying to say and if not, at least that they get the gist of what you are saying. With all that in mind, I thought I’d give a bit more of a constructive guide on how to find a foreign hunk this World Cup season.
1. The “Helpful Local” tactic.
This is definitely the best and most user friendly play. Especially if you’re already a local. It requires no set up and you can do it on your own. All you need is a foreigner who looks lost or stupid and they are everywhere. Walk up to them in a relaxed clam manner with a very welcoming smile as tourists are easily spooked. Make sure they can see your hands at all times and don’t make any sudden or aggressive movements or they may ascend into a panic. Finally, offer them assistance. Remember your solicitation is simply a mask for your true intention; to lasso that hunk like little calf at the Rodeo.
Example A
You: Hi, you look lost. Can I help you?
Hot Foreigner in cute foreign accent: Umm…Yes I’m looking for the Exotic Bird Sanctuary.
You: Oh sure, let me show you. (Begin walking)
Hot Foreigner in cute foreign accent: Thanks.
You: Are you meeting someone there?
Hot Foreigner in cute foreign accent: Yes, my girlfriend has just flown in….
Cut him off and Abandon the JERK as soon as you get the chance. Take him to the end of the street and direct him from there (to the wrong place if you feel extra scornful).
Example B
You: Hi, you look lost. Can I help you?
Hot Foreigner in cute foreign accent: Umm…Yes I’m looking for the Cambodian Snake Pit.
You: Oh sure, let me show you. (Begin walking)
Hot Foreigner in cute foreign accent: Thanks.
You: Are you meeting someone there?
Hot Foreigner in cute foreign accent: No, my back packers guide recommended it.
You: Ohhh is that right (smile affectionately), how are you enjoying your stay so far?
Take the long way round and keep dropping shameless hints about other places you need to show him.
COMING SOON: Pretend to be a Local Celebrity!
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