Dating "Must Nots:" Must-not have B.O!
Dedicated to the man pretending to read the paper on the train.
By Freya E.
On Monday morning, through some miracle of God, I arrived at the train station 10 minutes early. I wasn't feeling great (note to readers: Sunday night cocktail hour is not always the greatest idea. Ok more like Sunday night 3 hour cocktail extravaganza). I leaned against the wall and stared blankly at the pages of a book when I heard the all too familiar crackle of the intercom system. I was immediately filled with dread as I heard the words no commuter wants to hear:
"Due to a disabled train, we are experiencing delays. We are sorry for the inconvenience." ~ we hope you all die in the process (Ok minus the last part.)
I wiped my brow and looked around at the exasperated faces of my fellow commuters. It was atrociously hot, my nausea was getting aggravated by the humidity, I was late for work and along with my fellow commuters, quite sweaty. Not the good, sexy kind of sweaty either, the kind that tests the limits of your antiperspirant.
About twenty minutes later, a crowded train arrived. The doors opened. I could feel the air of the temperature controlled car spill out onto the platform. I stepped inside and made my way to the back of the train relieved to be in a cool environment.
A respite...THANK GOD, ALLAH, BUDDAH or any member of "Team GOD".......
Unfortunately, my relief was premature because I ended up being forced into a corner compressed directly into the armpit of a man who had serious B.O which he had obviously tried masterfully to mask with an overwhelming amount of cheap cologne.
I tried not breathing through my nose but then I could taste his bad smell. I felt my stomach turn. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine I was in my peaceful place but the B.O seemed pungent enough to permeate even the depths of my imagination. The train came to a halt at the next stop, I tried to move away from him, but it was too crowded and I was pushed back into his armpit, almost like school girl thrust back into a circle in a school yard fight! It was relentless and eventually I made the decision to bail out at the next stop, Yes it was two blocks further from my work place and I was already late, but it was a fair trade off for clean air and peace of mind. It was better than suffering a man that smelled like B.O, old spice, and had I stayed on the train any longer, vomit.
Dear Mr. B.O Assassin,
Thank you for reminding me of another "Must Not," one I thought was obvious but forgot that sometimes folks lack common sense and decency.
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