How to Survive a Virtual Reality: Heightened Drama – The World Cup Edition
The World Cup is a girls game.
In a Virtual Reality, everything must be as exciting as possible. What makes real life boring, as we have learnt from Big Brother and Cricket, are the long periods of nothing happening. Therefore, we have to fill the voids where nothing happens with drama and excitement.
Considering the drama going on at the moment, I think we can safely assume that, if we were living in a virtual reality, this years World Cup is being played by a couple of girls. Or at the very least our futuristic adolescent creator is accepting a lot of help from his ‘Days of Our Lives’ addicted girlfriend/mother.
Here are a few reasons why. At the beginning of the year, English footballer Wayne Bridge refused to be part of the World Cup after discovering that ex-teammate and (subsequently ex) England Captain, John Terry, had an affair with his ex-girlfriend. So many ex’s in there you think it wouldn’t matter, but who can really judge heart ache (awwwww). In addition, Capello's ban of all wives and girlfriends commonly known as WAGS at the games didn't help the English 2010 World Cup campaign at all. The English team proceeded to complain of homesickness and were said to be missing their loved ones for the whole two weeks they were in South Africa.
The North Korea vs. Portugal match was the first match to ever be broadcast live in North Korea. After a 7-0 loss, we can safely expect the team to be disappear in a mysterious and tragic incident involving guns and a government official firing squad which cannot possibly be anyone’s fault.
Nigerian president Goodluck Jonathan has suspended the side for two years after their poor showing. FIFA president Sepp Blatter is now threatening to suspend Nigeria for two years for government interference. Since both actions will achieve the same outcome, I fail to see the importance of his decision.
Also facing suspension for Government interference are the true winners of this years world cup, France. Les Bleus arrived at the world cup fully aware that they were unlikely to win anything involving a football, so they did the best anyone could do. They made every moment of their participation of the world cup a complex drama, succeeding even to the point where hardened football fans were sorry to see them leave for the entertainment they provided.
From the juvenile arguments between the coaches and players, to star striker Anelka being sent home prematurely and his team mates boycotting training practice, they faced their final humiliation as rumors spread that the team was downgraded to economy for the flight home after their final loss to South Africa. The French will be remembered as a huge part of the 2010 FIFA World Cup, far more so than Brazil who, though tipped to be part of the final, exited today without reaching the semi’s.
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