How to tell if your girlfriend is a phone sex operator.
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| I'm sure she's just talking to her mother... |
If your girlfriend is a phone sex operator, she may very well hide her occupation from you. Whether or not phone sex counts as cheating or being paid for phone sex counts as prostitution are both debatable questions which possibly have subjective answers. However, there are other problems which could arise from dating an aural courtesan, so you definitely have the right to know. So even if she won’t tell you herself here are a few ways to tell your girlfriend is an audio erotic entertainer.
1. Her ‘phone voice’ is strangely sexy.
Almost everybody has a phone voice. That is, their voice changes when they answer the phone, usually out of habit. So it follows that if your girlfriend habitually answers phone calls in a low, sultry voice, she is obviously most accustomed to speaking on the phone in this voice. Unless you are the only person she speaks to over the phone, this is a clear indication she is a phone sex operator.
The problem:
Your friends may become reluctant to call you in case she picks up. Nobody wants to be turned on by their friends girlfriend, especially if it’s just a greeting over the phone. Pretty soon they will choose to not call you rather than experience the embarrassment of a hard-on every time she picks up and says "hi". If you tell her she is not allowed to answer your phone, she will immediately become angry and suspicious. your best option is to get a voice distortion app on your phone so that in the event of her picking up she will sound more like Darth Vader than Princess Leah in a gold bikini
2. She provides running commentary during sex and takes notes.
If your girlfriend describes everything she is doing while you are engaging in intercourse and interrupts your intimate moments to take down notes, or worse records the event on a Dictaphone, she is definitely a phone sex operator. Either that or she thinks you are too stupid to notice, unless she tells you, that she’s sliding her hands into your pants.
The problem:
Although a little dirty talk is sexy, a blow by blow (no pun intended) narration is at best distracting and at worst extremely irritating. The only solution to this is to gag her and pretend it's part of your fantasy. If she is still trying to take notes, you may have to tie her up as well.
She asks you to rate her fantasies
If she likes telling you erotic fantasies, you are a very lucky guy, however if she times them and asks you to rate them afterwards, that is a dead giveaway that she is an aural courtesan.
The problem:
Very soon listening to her sexual fantasies will become work. The minute she opens her mouth and begins to tell you what she wants to do to you, you will begin comparing it to the last fantasy and wonder if it rates a 7.3 or 7.6 on the erotic fantasy scale instead of thinking about what she wants to do to you.
Category: Funny
