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8:45 PM |
The other day I was at a bar talking to a group of girls and a gay fellow burst into frame walked directly towards me and said:
Gay Dude: Hey man.
Me: Hey.
Gay Dude: You're gay right.
Me: NO!?
Gay Dude: That girl over there said you were. I just thought...anyway sorry man.
He walked away and eventually the girl that his was referring too came over, gave me a drink and apologized her the guys brazen behavior. I don't even remember what she said because I was too occupied with the misclassification. What was I doing that was broadcasting gay waves on every frequency. I have nothing against gay people, in fact I don't care that they exist but misclassification posses obvious issues for a straight dude. This incident caused me to do some research upon which I realized certain things have been commandeered by gay dudes.
1.Fashion & Hygiene.
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| Wentworth Miller has denied being gay on many occasions but his clean-shaven appearance and well matched clothing make him a dead giveaway. |
Matching outfits and co-ordinating clothing has be assimilated by the gay parade. In fact, the fashion gurus on fashion shows always have a cast of guy dudes that are supposed to be authorities on fashion. The consequence of this is that straight men have had to overcompensate for this by dressing like tatty, homeless people in roughed up
guys jeans and style-less t-shirts just to avoid confusion. You can find many a
guys clothing store that specializes in providing "manly," pre-creased, chewed up clothing to cater to the need for this differentiation. Being impeccably groomed also opens a straight man up to scrutiny. Ask Shemar Moore who has been accused of being gay more times than they are pebbles of sand on a beach. Consequently,
straight men have had to sacrifice in that department and bare the appearance of caveman just to appear straight.
2.Dancing.
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| No Comment! |
Dancing used to just be something any man could enjoy with a peaceful disposition. Then the gay dudes came in and stepped it up a notch. Now certain body movements are no longer sanctioned for straight men. No more undulating of hips, excessive lower body movements or taking off any items of clothing or you could be flagged as gay. Apparently, even enthusiasm about dancing that causes you to ignore women is not permitted anymore. This has resulted segregation on dance floors. these days there is always a gay section of the dance floor, littered with women where it looks like everybody is having fun and the there is the rest of the melancholy dance floor with the straight guys who have had 50 to 65% of their dance moves stolen from them.
3.Hanging out with women.
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| The 2 women having way too much fun therefore the gentleman must be presumed gay! |
In the old days, hanging out with women meant that you were "straight pimping". Now it may mean that you are not "straight anything". Somehow a polarized attitude to friendship developed which fostered a skepticism with regards to whether or not a guy and a girl can truly be friends or hang out platonically. Confused about these questions, ladies just decided to befriend gay dudes en mass with more vigor than even the civil rights movement. Now apparently chilling with ladies and appearing to be able to understand an communicate with them means you could be Gay?
In summary, basically was I was well dressed, talking to a group of girls and dancing with a tad bit too much enthusiasm....I'll be sure to avoid all those things in future lol!
Category:
Funny
