How Women Lock Down Men (Stage 2): The Capture
By Africanlegend.
Stage 2: The Capture
If stage 1 has been executed properly, the guy will think he has found a female friend that likes him for exactly who he is. This leaves him vulnerable for attack.
Allow me to Digress and begin with the hunting habits of a wolf.
How the Wolf Hunts
- They find prey and move in on it from the opposite way the wind is blowing so their scent is not picked up.
- The wolves quietly move in, sometimes in single file. Soon they will break into a chase.
- If the wolves manage to catch their prey, they attack the sides, or rump of the animal. They try to weaken it by nipping and biting it.
- Wolves will literally eat an animal alive, cutting the hamstrings on an elk, deer or moose, eating the poor beast while it's still breathing and even struggling to stand up.
- Wolves have been known to chase prey for extraordinary distances until it simply collapses of fatigue. There is one documented case of a wolf being seen to run for 36 km chasing a moose.
This is precisely how a female captures a man i.e he will not see it coming, he'll systematically be brought down and eaten alive. She is prepared to take long periods of time and travel great distances to stalk and bring him down.
How the Woman Hunts
Firstly, the girl will make it obvious to other women that they need to steer clear while she hunts. Every time he talks to another women, she will magically show up and give him a get out of my way bitch hug and a small peck, everything short of urinating on him to mark her territory. Then she will alienate the other women by mentioning some inside joke or detail only she and the guy know. It then becomes the other woman's choice to either flee with her tail between her legs or stay and risk a fight.
As noted before, a woman can't just tell the man she wants a boyfriend because he may pick up the scent of commitment and run away. It has to be more subtle. What she will do is make him do everything a boyfriend would do but never mention the actual word "boyfriend." She will make him do "Boyfriend Things"
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| The savage world of the female that men cannot even imagine: I've seen it. |
"Boyfriend Things" include but are not limited to:
Taking walks together.
Babysitting Animals and Plants
Listening to serious problems that the guy definitely doesn't have a solution for.
Being her "Emergency contact."
Meeting Parents and attending assorted family gatherings.
Attending weddings.
Dates. (Although she will deny that they are, they will be identical in every way but the name).
Work Parties.
The unsuspecting boy will perform these functions under the erroneous belief that he is doing so as a friend, meanwhile he is effectively being eaten alive as per a wolf devouring it's prey. Once the guy is behaving exactly as a boyfriend would, the girl's BFFs will start to brain wash him by constantly making remarks about how cute the two of you look together. However, while this primes a man for slaughter, it does not provide the killer blow and he is still able to easily limp away seeking solace in another woman's arms. A woman's final blow is a stroke of tactical genius;
The killer blow lies within the ranks of HIS GUY FRIENDS:
The woman will infiltrate the guy's friend circle, hang out with his best friends, buy them stuff, be super cool and have them eating out of her hands. Very soon the guy's friends will start to cock block on her behalf. They will start reminding him that a really awesome girl likes him and that the skanks he is hitting on don't hold a torch to her. Now the guy has nowhere to turn because his colleagues, best friends and even his mum are telling him he is an idiot not to be with this girl. Fatigued and tired of running, he finally collapses exposing his neck to the killer bite and soon thereafter you see the death message on his Facebook wall.
"Dave is in a Relationship with Sarah" ~
Dave (1984-2011) Captured May 19th 2010. Is survived by his loving friends and family that helped do this to him.
COMING SOON: Stage 3: THE HONEYMOON.
Category: Funny, Lists, Relationships
