AL |
1:41 AM |
By Africanlegend
There is a long held theory that Latina women don't have a taste for black dudes but as with many stereotypes, while true in some respects, they often do not paint the full picture. I grow weary of gorgeous Latinas prouncing around with all their caramel hotness, inaccessible to me and practically mocking me. I feel the same anguish that fat kid on a treadmill running endlessly towards a piece of candy would feel. So my mission is to put an end to this by mastering a few thing that will make me more appealing to a Latina bombshell ~ and I will share them with you.
The Gameplan:
To isolate major social and cultural behavior that is most familiar to Latinas and attempt to perfect each one. These include but are not limited to:
1. Soccer fanaticism, preferably of The Spanish La Liga.
Soccer is huge in Central and South America so to be in with the Latina crowd it would be prudent to grow an affinity for the game. You'd be able to talk and play with the Latino dudes and they can tell you everything you need to know about their female counter parts. Without an extensive scouting report on Latinas you will sink like canoe made of brick in an icy river. It is also important to follow the right kind of soccer. It is less likely that your knowledge of West Bromwich Albion or Sampdoria will impress a Latina because English and Italian teams are not house hold names to them. Following Spanish La Liga and becoming acquainted with Barcelona and Real Madrid is a good start but if you want to look sophisticated you can say you are fan of some obscure team like Real Malloca or Racing Santander.
2. Shiny Shirts
Every Latino dude has a shiny, somewhat ill-fitting dress shirt. This is a fact. I was at a party last weekend and in walked in my buddy Victor with hands down the shiniest shirt I've ever seen. It was so shiny I reckon it must be visible from space. The spectacle of a shirt sent a blinding light that acted as a homing beacon to all the Latinas in the room, who like most women are by nature attracted to anything bright and shiny. I realized that I have nothing in my arsenal of clothing that glistens at that frequency on the light spectrum. The purpose of the flamboyance of these shiny shirts falls into my next social requirement.
3. The correct execution of The Salsa, The Tango and other Latin American dances.
One of my Columbian friends told that in Columbia being a poor dancer is social suicide. Latinas must dance. It's in their DNA. They probably salsa out of their mother's womb. For this reason, you must also be well averse in dancing styles that make sense to them i.e not glowing sticks techno nonsense or line dancing. You need to be good at a style of dancing white people:
A) Didn't Invent.
B) Aren't naturally good at.
You can't just know the bare minimum either, unless you are white dude, in which case the fact that you are dancing at all is impressive enough, you have to dance well and be able to express yourself. This is where the shiny shirt becomes a factor. A shiny shirt adds a degree of panache and flair to any dance move you execute. It may also divert attention from the actual quality of your dancing refocusing it on the quality of the shirt; either way you win.
4. Fluent Spanish
If you can't communicate with Latina girls then obviously things become more complex. Don't get me wrong, plenty of Latina girls speak good English but I get the impression that they don't like it. This is probably because they can not express la Passion sufficiently in English. This can be a good thing if you need to control la Passion levels like in instances were Latinas go crazy. A good friend of mine told me that if a Latina is angry at you, speak to her in English if at all possible, for your safety. She can't get super crazy if some of her mental energy is devoted solely to speaking a foreign language. Learning Spanish is a great idea and it is easier than it's ever been to learn different languages with all sorts of programs and website that offer language lessons.
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Category:
Funny
