Top 5 Dangers at the World Cup in South Africa: A Westerners Guide to Staying Safe.

By AfricanLegend
1. Crime
South Africa has many large cities and with that comes the element of crime. The various particular crimes at the world cup will be radically different because the perpetrators of the crimes will be Africans. If you are a Caucasian traveling to The World Cup, be VERY wary of being robbed, beaten and killed several times during the course of the tournament. It will be relentless. We are only four days into The World Cup and the crime wave is already out of control.

“The violence started in the Johannesburg Airport on South African Airways. The flight attendants beat me up mercilessly and kidnapped my wife. Two minutes later she returned with nuts and a soft drink and said welcome to Africa.”  said a shaken up Daniel Smith from Connecticut. 

This is just the tip of the Iceberg, expect much more violence in the coming weeks.

2. Wild Animals
It goes without saying that Wild Animals will probably be one of the “Budweiser Key Factors” during the tournament. Africa hails as sanctuary to some of the most dangerous animals to have walked the earth. Big cats, snakes, Rhinos, elephants and many animals are walking the streets picking off excited soccer fans as they exit stadiums and bars. If you’ve traveled to South Africa, be wary of your surroundings or risk being part of an all you can eat buffet for animals lurking in the darkness.

3. The Vuvuzela!
Dancing and having a fun with a bunch of Africans can have serious consequences. In South Africa, festivities include playing the Vuvuzela, a highly addictive, plastic horn which you can hear blown constantly during games. If you play a Vuvuzela, chances are you will fall pray to its addictive nature. You will feel inclined to play it everywhere and this will lead to reduced productivity at work and the collapse of all your relationships. You may end up a lonely shell of yourself in a dark room, sitting in the corner in a puddle of your own tears blowing a depressing note on your Vuvuzela.

4. Car Accidents
South Africa has many car accidents. Car accident rates are 6 times greater than The United Kingdom. If you decide to travel between stadiums by car, as soon as you enter the car it will burst into flames and explode. Then another car will hit it. After Only 4 days, 89% of the foreigners that have traveled to The World Cup have been involved in car accidents. It is projected that by the semi finals, there will only be 11 to 13 fans left to enjoy the games. If you plan to travel, walk! It may take you a few weeks to get from stadium to stadium but it is much better than stepping in a South African Vehicle.

5. Black People!
Black people are pretty much responsible for all of the above. Not only are there significantly more black people than a westerner may be accustomed to, they also own the country. The blacks have placed themselves in all levels of government. Don’t be fooled by the stereo type that African black people are calm and laid back. These are the savage ancestors of the hip-hopping, drug consuming, rapping, basket ball playing African Americans. So if you don’t follow any other piece of advice we have offered you, just avoid large groups of black people, even if they appear to be singing and dancing.

Category: Sports