5 Gift Giving Rules All White People Abide by.

Sometimes you make a significant wave in a person's life. In such cases people may chose, through the goodness of their heart, to buy, make or do something for you with no expectation of repayment or reward. This is called a gift.

Gift /gift/ n


By this definition it can be demonstrated that white people seldom exchange gifts in the true sense of the word. Their gift giving practices are often more of a mutual exchange of items or favors. This is because white people are skeptical about anything giving to them for free and have the idea that receiving "freebies" is a sign of laziness akin to the poorer, welfare receiving class of peoples (Blacks, Latinos, Poor White People etc). Make no mistake, if you violate these rules white people will speak passive aggressively but maliciously behind your back.

Anyway...here are the major rules of gift giving and receiving.


1. You may not accept a gift without offering a gift of equal value in return.
This is the basic rule from which all subsequent are derived and explains the gift giving rituals associated with white gift giving holidays and social events. A white person will feel guilty about accepting gifts without offering anything in return because what they have received hasn't been earned. Therefore, to alleviate their guilt they will feel compelled to offer something in return. Any person that accepts gifts enthusiastically, with no attempt to repay the gesture will be considered a mooch, leech or any other parasitic type of organism.

2. If a gift is accepted it should be accepted reluctantly.
If a gift is exchanged and the gift receiver does not immediately have the ability to offer a gift in return they may accept the gift but with a demeanor that suggests that the gift giver forced the gift upon them and they had no choice but to accept it. This is to show that they don't feel entitled the gift. The gift receiver must endeavor to repay this gift back as soon as possible.

Example:
John: Hey man, I got you this CD
Chris: Oh man really you didn't have to!
John: No man it's totally cool.
Chris: I can't accept this...
(Reluctance requirement fulfilled)
John: It's no problem man.
Chris: Ehhhh ok ok, if you insist....I'll take it. Thanks man. Next time I'm out in Cancun I'll get you one of those Sombreros you have always wanted.

3. A gift may be accepted if the item was otherwise useless or was destined to be disposed of by the gift giver.
A gift maybe accepted with no exchange required if the gift giver adequately proves that the item was of no use to them and would otherwise have been disposed of. This mean the item is less of a gift and more a change of ownership to prevent waste.

Example 
John: Hey man, you can have this TV
Chris: Oh man really you didn't have to!
John: No man it's totally cool. I am moving out and I was basically just going to throw it out anyway
Chris: Man that would be such a waste! I'll come pick it up tomorrow.

4. You must bring a gift in return for invitation to a social gathering.
In the case of a gift pertaining to food e.g. a dinner, the person to which the dinner was offered must bring an item of food or drink to alleviate guilt and make sure there is a two way exchange. If you go to a dinner bring a salad and if you go to a party you must bring an offering of beverages of snacks. Black people and foreigners may receive an exemption as the culture variance acts as a gift in and of itself and someday the white person can claim they not racist on the grounds that they even have black people at their parties.

5. Left over gifts brought to social gathering must be offered back to the gift giver at the conclusion of the gathering.
In the case of a materials being brought to a dinner or party, at the conclusion of the party the materials brought must be offered back to the person that brought them. The catch is that it is unacceptable for the gift to be taken back. The offer is a trick; the suggestion is really just so that the gift receiver feels better about accepting a gift. By this time the gift receiver has forgotten that the gift they are trying to return was actually a counter gift for the party they invited the gift giver to, making the request an asinine one+.

Take wine as and example (famous wine labels): 
Gen: Hey we didn't drink your bottle of wine. Please take it back.
Megan: No it's totally cool. I brought it for you.
Gen: No, I got tons of wine anyway so you might as well take it.
(Reluctance requirement fulfilled)
Megan: Actually keep it; we'll drink it next time I come over

Category: Humor, Lists